Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
