dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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