I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
