Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
