If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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