i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
