Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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