people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
