At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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