Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
