you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
