The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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