Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Farmville is her only friend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
