I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
