Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
