Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
