This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
