you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
