Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
