It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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