awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
