I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
