...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
