you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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