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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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