I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
