i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
