Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Farmville is her only friend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
