What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
only if we run a train.
done.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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