I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
