you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
