Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
