I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
