U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
