We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
