There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize