I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god it's open bar.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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