Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
