i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
