I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
