Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
