fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize