so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so let's talk penis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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