Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
