ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
