Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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