does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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