and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
