absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
