allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
