the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
