I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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