My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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