i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
