Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
