my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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