but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
