Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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