all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
