Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
