dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
