So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So vagazzling was a success
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize