the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
