Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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