you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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