3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
