I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
