remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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