if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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