i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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