One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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