i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
