You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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