My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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