somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
