I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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