Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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