Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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