I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
