i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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